Kids make you late. Everyone knows this but not everyone understands this. I had a good friend once tell me that you should get a fifteen minute grace period per kid. I wholeheartedly agree with her. No matter how much of an on time person you are, a toddler will make you late at least seventy-five percent of the time.
For those of you who don’t have kids and wonder why those of us with kids can’t be on time, please read the following. This truly is what it is like most of the time to get out of the house with a toddler.
You tell the toddler you need to leave in 5 minutes to be on time. Naturally, the toddler doesn’t necessarily understand you or pretends not to hear you and continues in whatever activity they were engaged in.
You wrangle the toddler to the floor to force shoes upon him. No matter what, these will not be the shoes he wanted to wear even if he was asking to wear them earlier when you had nowhere to go. After several minutes of struggling, you finally get both feet covered with socks and shoes.
You attempt to get all of your stuff ready to go and the diaper bag ready. Your toddler has probably hidden at least one thing you need so you now have to go on a treasure hunt for it. During this process, the toddler takes something else out of the diaper bag and hides it while you find the other hidden thing.
As your devious toddler is hiding the new object, he runs past you and you get a whiff of poop. It is toddler law that you must poop right before you head out the door and after the shoes have been wrangled onto your feet.
You take off the shoes that you worked so hard to get on, to take the pants off, to change the poopy diaper. Meanwhile the toddler has decided this would be an opportune time to test his gymnastic skills mixed with interpretive floor dancing all while screaming loudly. You finally manage to get the new diaper on, the pants back on, and somehow get those darn shoes back on.
You double check that you have everything in the diaper bag and discover the most recently taken-to-hide object is missing. You go on another treasure hunt. But this time you remember to put the diaper bag out of the toddler’s reach.
You are now at least ten minutes late leaving. You scoop up the toddler that doesn’t want to go, even though they desperately wanted to “go, go, go!” earlier. You struggle your way all the way to the car with diaper bag, toddler, and your sanity in tow.
Your aspiring gymnast/dancer shows off his moves again while you try to buckle him into the car seat. This time the beautiful dance routine involves a series of intricate kicks, arched back maneuvers, and a shrill but moving vocal solo. Snacks are offered as compensation for this emotion evoking performance.
You are finally in the driver’s seat and ready to leave for the place that you needed to be at half an hour ago. You realize you made yourself coffee but it is still sitting in your untouched mug under the Keurig. You decide to just microwave it when you get home (and maybe just run through the Starbucks drive through on your way. I mean, you’re already late, you might as well be late and caffeinated).
The next time your friend shows up half an hour late, holding Starbucks, and looking overly frazzled, top off her coffee, take the crazy tiny person, and forgive her for being late. She’s been through a lot this morning.
How does going anywhere with a toddler go for you? Let me know in the comments!
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Hey there! My name is Rachel and I’m a 23 year old wife and mother. I’m decidedly in favor of DIY projects and decidedly against mom-shaming. This blog is my place to take a stand against superiority and to share ways to thrive in motherhood. My hope is that you leave this site feeling validated and encouraged in your mom-bilities.
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