For some reason when children come into your life, people feel the need to ask some very intrusive or just obnoxious questions. It all starts in pregnancy when every person you ever come in contact with feels the need to give you advice that you didn’t ask for or want. “Store up on sleep now!” and “treasure this time while it lasts!” follow you everywhere you go when pregnant. Most people associate the awkward questions only with pregnancy and think that they stop as soon as the baby is out. That is not the case.
This is my main list of the 7 things I hate being asked or told as a parent. Some are just obnoxious, some are rather intrusive, and some are just discouraging.
1) Were y’all trying?
Unless you are a ridiculously close friend, never ask this question of someone. Think about it, this question is asking about your sex life. It’s asking if you were using protection while having sex. Is that really an appropriate thing to ask anyone who is not your closest friend in the world? If you wouldn’t normally talk about sex with someone, don’t ask this question of them.
2) So when are y’all having another one?
Really people? This somewhat goes with #1. It’s asking about sex in a roundabout way. It also drove me crazy when people asked me this when Will was only 6 months. Let me just enjoy my baby without thinking about another one! And really, it’s nobody’s business except the mom and her husband’s. So just say this baby is cute and precious and don’t ask about more kids.
3) How many children do you want?
This one is less intrusive but it’s still not a great thing to ask unless you are a close friend. It’s kind of like everyone asking senior’s in high school what they are doing next. Everyone is sick of getting asked it so just don’t ask it. I have a friend who is so tired of this question she answers with “at least 20” and walks away while the person sits in shock. It’s hilarious to watch but really just don’t ask this question.
4) Any reference to Baby Weight
It’s not a compliment when someone tells you “You look great for just having a baby!” It’s extremely backhanded and has a justification. And no one wants you to ask how much you gained or how much you have lost since the baby was born. Just steer clear of talking about the woman’s body postpartum. It’s easier than trying to gauge how she is currently feeling about her post baby body. And this goes for all moms no matter how old her kids are.
5) Did you want the baby to be a boy/girl?
This is just a weird question. I can’t tell you how much I got this and still get it. Yes, I really did want a boy first but if my baby had been a girl I would have been just as happy. And really, there’s nothing that can be done at this point so there’s no reason to bring it up. Not the worst you could ask, but still can bring some awkwardness.
6) Just wait until… (negative event here)
I can’t tell you how much people love to do this. You say you love a stage your kiddo is in and they come back with a very negative stage to dread. It’s answering positive with negative which is just discouraging. I’ll say that I love how Will is starting to pull up on furniture and whoever I am talking with says “Oh just wait until they start walking. You will never get to sit down again” with the tone of one looking toward their own death. Ok, that’s maybe a little dramatic but I’m tired of the negative attitude people project onto others and their parenting journey. Let them enjoy the stage they just said is fun!
7) Just wait until… (positive event here)
Similar to #6 but with positive events. “Oh just wait until they start doing this even better thing they are doing now!” Our culture has a hard time living in the moment and this amplifies the issue. If a parent is telling you they are really enjoying a stage of their child, let them just enjoy it, let them live in the moment and savor every second of this stage they love. They will get to the stage that you loved soon enough. When they get there, celebrate with them and continue helping them live in the moment.
Now all of these are things that could change depending on the relationship. If you are super close friends, the rules change a little bit but if you are anything further than absolute best friend, steer clear of these types of questions and statements. Better questions would include “what does your child do that makes you laugh?” or “you’re love for your child really shines through when you talk about…” Stay positive and think about if you would ask a random, non-mom the same question or if it would be weird.
What are some of the things that people say to you that drives you crazy? Share in the comments below!
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Hey there! My name is Rachel and I’m a 23 year old wife and mother. I’m decidedly in favor of DIY projects and decidedly against mom-shaming. This blog is my place to take a stand against superiority and to share ways to thrive in motherhood. My hope is that you leave this site feeling validated and encouraged in your mom-bilities.