For some reason when children come into your life, people feel the need to ask some very intrusive or just obnoxious questions. It all starts in pregnancy when every person you ever come in contact with feels the need to give you advice that you didn’t ask for or want. “Store up on sleep now!” and “treasure this time while it lasts!” follow you everywhere you go when pregnant. Most people associate the awkward questions only with pregnancy and think that they stop as soon as the baby is out. That is not the case.

 

This is my main list of the 7 things I hate being asked or told as a parent. Some are just obnoxious, some are rather intrusive, and some are just discouraging.

 

1) Were y’all trying?

Unless you are a ridiculously close friend, never ask this question of someone. Think about it, this question is asking about your sex life. It’s asking if you were using protection while having sex. Is that really an appropriate thing to ask anyone who is not your closest friend in the world? If you wouldn’t normally talk about sex with someone, don’t ask this question of them.

 

2) So when are y’all having another one?

Really people? This somewhat goes with #1. It’s asking about sex in a roundabout way. It also drove me crazy when people asked me this when Will was only 6 months. Let me just enjoy my baby without thinking about another one! And really, it’s nobody’s business except the mom and her husband’s. So just say this baby is cute and precious and don’t ask about more kids.

 

3) How many children do you want?

This one is less intrusive but it’s still not a great thing to ask unless you are a close friend. It’s kind of like everyone asking senior’s in high school what they are doing next. Everyone is sick of getting asked it so just don’t ask it. I have a friend who is so tired of this question she answers with “at least 20” and walks away while the person sits in shock. It’s hilarious to watch but really just don’t ask this question.

 

4) Any reference to Baby Weight

It’s not a compliment when someone tells you “You look great for just having a baby!” It’s extremely backhanded and has a justification. And no one wants you to ask how much you gained or how much you have lost since the baby was born. Just steer clear of talking about the woman’s body postpartum. It’s easier than trying to gauge how she is currently feeling about her post baby body. And this goes for all moms no matter how old her kids are.

 

5) Did you want the baby to be a boy/girl?

This is just a weird question. I can’t tell you how much I got this and still get it. Yes, I really did want a boy first but if my baby had been a girl I would have been just as happy. And really, there’s nothing that can be done at this point so there’s no reason to bring it up. Not the worst you could ask, but still can bring some awkwardness.

 

6) Just wait until… (negative event here)

I can’t tell you how much people love to do this. You say you love a stage your kiddo is in and they come back with a very negative stage to dread. It’s answering positive with negative which is just discouraging. I’ll say that I love how Will is starting to pull up on furniture and whoever I am talking with says “Oh just wait until they start walking. You will never get to sit down again” with the tone of one looking toward their own death. Ok, that’s maybe a little dramatic but I’m tired of the negative attitude people project onto others and their parenting journey. Let them enjoy the stage they just said is fun!

 

7) Just wait until… (positive event here)

Similar to #6 but with positive events. “Oh just wait until they start doing this even better thing they are doing now!” Our culture has a hard time living in the moment and this amplifies the issue. If a parent is telling you they are really enjoying a stage of their child, let them just enjoy it, let them live in the moment and savor every second of this stage they love. They will get to the stage that you loved soon enough. When they get there, celebrate with them and continue helping them live in the moment.

 

Now all of these are things that could change depending on the relationship. If you are super close friends, the rules change a little bit but if you are anything further than absolute best friend, steer clear of these types of questions and statements. Better questions would include “what does your child do that makes you laugh?” or “you’re love for your child really shines through when you talk about…” Stay positive and think about if you would ask a random, non-mom the same question or if it would be weird.

 

What are some of the things that people say to you that drives you crazy? Share in the comments below!

 

 

15 Comments

  1. Haha love this! People think it’s free reign to comment when you have a kid!

    Reply
  2. Lol sooo true. Not to mention those who ask for the sole purpose of one upping lol

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  3. Haha, I am not a mom yet and do not have any plans of being one for a while still. I feel that for me though the intrusive questions and comments started as soon as my husband and I got married. “So when are you going to start having kids?” “You are having kids right?” “Are you feeling the pressure yet?” I cannot imagine the things that will be said once we do get pregnant. :/

    Reply
  4. I don’t have any children, but I do find many questions not only intrusive, but also hurtful. I can’t imagine being on receiving end of a question such as why don’t you have any children, when you are trying but can’t conceive. It can be very insensitive. I think many people mean well, and they want to connect and share their experiences. It just sometimes doesn’t come across in the way it’s meant.

    Reply
  5. Too funny. I can relate to number #6 & 7. I agree it’s like they’re trying to steal the show.

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  6. 1, 2 and 3 are hard ones for me as I have been trying to conceive for 4 LONG years and it’s not looking like it will happen – and sometimes I wish people WOULD ask me questions instead of feeling uncomfortable around me and never asking.

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  7. This post made me laugh – I can relate to so many of these. I just recently had my third and as a young mom, I love being asked “is this your first?” When I respond and tell them, “no, it’s my third,” I usually get the “oh, wow, you don’t look old enough to have had three kids.” Appreciate the compliments, but it’s not my first rodeo! 🙂

    Reply
  8. If I could like this 27 times I would. I am blown away by some of the things people say to mamas!

    Reply
  9. Yep, I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these. The only time it ever hurt my heart was after I had had a miscarriage, and someone unknowingly asked when we were going to have another. Yeah, that wasn’t cool.

    Reply
  10. I hate the “just wait” like my life is so easy until I’m at the stage you’re in! Annoys me! Thanks for sharing!

    Reply
  11. You hit the nail on the head! The question that gets me is #2, mainly because I don’t want another child, and also because people seem to think 1 child ins’t enough. My kid is like 5 kids rolled into 1 lol.

    Reply
  12. These are so true! I can’t stand when someone is like oh just wait til she crawls, wait til she walks, etc. I’m enjoying each of those stages. To me they’re fun stages, not stressful like people were trying to make them seem like

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  13. Totally agree!! Some people are truly oblivious, others just don’t think and others are just plain rude! Thank you so much for sharing this! Everyone needs to read it!!

    Reply
  14. Yes, all true. Especially 1-3. You never know what the family went through to have a child. It may have been super easy for them or it may have been a long journey and the topic can be very painful.

    Reply
  15. This is extremely helpful, as I have no kids and don’t even know what it’s like to have babies. I know I have intentionally bit my tongue to avoid the temptation to ask more “kid questions” just as smalltalk to fill silence. I’m trying to see each family as unique and ask more meaningful, but non-intrusive, questions.

    Reply

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