I’m a perfectionist. I want everything to be just so. I want to be the mom who always has a clean house, well mannered children, a perfect marriage, and a perfectly stocked pantry. This constant striving for perfection is really me trying to prove to everyone that I am enough, and that I have my life together. This may surprise some, or maybe no one, but I am far from having my life together. And it’s honestly really hard to verbally admit that even though it’s probably obvious to all those around me.
A couple weeks ago, we watched a video clip in MOPs from the movie “Moms’ Night Out.” If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s about a young mom that tries to plan a moms’ night out for her and her friends. The night is supposed to be a get away from the stress of everyday mom life, but all hell breaks loose. This scene happens after her friends are arrested and her husband and kids are missing. She ends up having a very real and honest conversation with a man named Bones.
Moms’ Night Out: God’s Love for Moms
I’ll admit that I cried as we watched it in MOPs; most ladies did. If you didn’t have time to watch the whole thing, at least skip to the last 30 seconds or so. There is so much truth in what Bones is saying. Isn’t it true? We spend so much time beating ourselves up. We are always comparing ourselves to other moms. Someone else’s house is always cleaner, and someone else’s kids are always better behaved. I blame myself for everything, and I hold myself to an unattainable bar. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. Yet I’m still striving to be a better mom. But I’m acting like being a better mom is going to happen by being a different mom.
God knew what he was doing when he gave my baby boy the mom he did, even though I’m not perfect and I’m not enough, in my sense of the word. He planned on me being my Will’s mom, so I am the best mom for my Will.
Since we watched this, I’ve noticed just how my perfectionism affects my life. Everything has to be cleaned just so, and because of that, I won’t let my husband help. I expect to be so productive and involved that I overwhelm myself with too many commitments. I can’t sit still for more than five minutes because I’ve become so used to needing to do things. Rest does not exist in my life because I’m too busy striving to be someone else. The excuse of not being enough for my husband and kiddo is always near the surface, but in reality, it’s me that I’m not enough for.
I want to work towards being in the here and now. I want to work towards contentment with me and resting. I want to work toward grace for myself and all those around me. God picked me to be Will’s mom and I will cling to that.